August 22, 2008

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - LeRoi Moore

leroimoore.jpgOh man. What sad news. Dave Matthews Band's saxophonist LeRoi Moore passed away this week from complications stemming from an earlier ATV accident. I always heard those things were dangerous.

So we honor him today by declaring him our Celebrity Facial Hair Friday pick. Look at that total musician beard. What would you say if I described it as little ants marching down his face, frozen just before they crash into me. Do you think they look like dancing nancies? Kind of looks like a jimi thing. There really is so much to say about it. And now we have to say goodbye.

(I'm only referencing their first two commercially successful albums, because after that I think they went downhill.)

Anyway, that sucks. Thanks for the great music LeRoi. You will be greatly missed.

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (0) | social bookmarking

August 15, 2008

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - Sting

Have you seen The Sting recently? He's getting up there in years, accented by a graying (and in my opinion somewhat unkempt) beard. Time for a shave. So who does he call? Billy from Billy Jealousy? Nope. Art from the Art of Shaving? Negative. He calls John of John Allan's. In the middle of the show.

That's right. In the middle of Madison Square Garden, at the last concert of The Police's tour, Sting got a deluxe shave and spa treatment live onstage from a couple of John Allan's "mobile grooming club" hotties. As an audience member I don't know what I'd be more surprised about - the fact that Sting is getting a shave during the show, or the fact that The Police didn't break up before the end of it.

Singer and bassist Sting took a surprise break after the main set and before the first encore -to step into a John Allan's mobile grooming club back stage. Sting laid back in a vintage barber chair as two John Allan's grooming pros shaved the salt-and-pepper beard with an exclusive John Allan's 63 Series Razor, John Allan's new SlickWater Pre-Shave and JA Shave Cream.

Luckily the world has learned to appease Andy and Stewart's egos, and while they didn't receive the same public pampering as their frontman, they did receive the generous parting gift of the John Allan's 63 Series razor and a special handmade John Allan's python razor set. Not a bad deal to ride on Sting's coattails, even if you're talented musicians in your own right.

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (0) | social bookmarking

August 8, 2008

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - Jason Giambi

30_giambi_lgl.jpgToday's Celebrity Facial Hair Friday pick is none other than Yankee first baseman/designated hitter Jason Giambi. Giambi is somewhat of a polarizing player - you either love him or your hate him. And your opinion can change, often, even if you're a New York fan.

So why is he in the news now? Well, he's kind of been sucking recently. Then he grew a mustache. An ugly one. And then he started hitting.

Baseball is all about superstition. Many pitchers never step on the foul lines when walking to and from the dugout. Batters perform mind-numbing rituals before each at-bat. And some guys grow crazy facial hair. Now we've got Giambi mustache day at Yankees Stadium, where everyone wears ridiculous fake 'staches. Thankfully I stand to make a mint with my dealings in faux mustache futures.

I've never liked Giambi, and it's not just because I'm a Red Sox fan. There's no way that guy's not still juicing. Come on. A simple apology and we're supposed to look the other way? I seriously don't understand how these guys get away with it. Oh right, Congress is looking into it.

Whatever. I can't wait until he shaves. Because that'll mark the day he realized that the magic stache ain't doing it for him anymore. Until then I'm sure we'll see a shaving commercial starring Mr. Stache.

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (2) | social bookmarking

July 18, 2008

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - Christian Bale

christian-bale.jpgPOW! KER-SPLAT! SHAZAM!

Today marks the opening of the latest Batman movie - The Dark Knight. Huge summer blockbuster. Box office record breaking potential. Tragedy and sorrow in the form of a deceased burgeoning star. And one very sexy, cut Christian Bale.

Oh Christian. I may just have a man-crush on you. Sorry Denzel. You're being replaced by four stories of Imax glory.

Today's Celebrity Facial Hair Friday pick is the latest caped crusader himself - Christian Bale - seen here with several days (or perhaps weeks) of growth. And as big a man-crush as I might have, I'm coming down against the facial hair. Just look at these photos of Christian clean shaven. Damn that's a close shave. Skin so smooth... soft... silky...

Where was I? Oh yeah. Denzel. Sorry.

Anyway, I prefer the clean cut, cut, Christian. Not the unshaven, barbaric Bale. Please keep that Fusion on your utility belt. Never know when you're going to have a close shave with the Joker.

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (0) | social bookmarking

July 4, 2008

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - Uncle Sam

What do you do in today's energy conscience world? Reduce, reuse, recycle. And that's why I'm reusing last year's July 4th post (which I liberally called Celebrity Facial Hair Wednesday) and posting it again today. Also, I'm lazy.

"In honor of the 4th of July, Independence Day, we've chosen Uncle Sam as our featured facial hair pick. Yes, [232] years ago our country declared its independence from British rule by proving that the pen was mightier than the sword. 56 men, including John Hancock, put their John Hancock on the Declaration of Independence, and a new country was born. (That may be the condensed version.)

81px-Kitchener-Britons.jpg"This now ubiquitous image of Uncle Sam (right) was painted by James Montgomery Flagg in 1917 as a recruitment poster for the US army during World War I. (Thanks Wikipedia. I seem smart!) It is based on this 1914 recruitment poster (left) from England. Who has worse facial hair? Gee that's a tough call. While the Briton's mustache is comically giant, I don't know any American today who would walk around with a white tail protruding from his chin. We've come a long way in our facial hair styles in 90 years. Too bad we're still at war."

Huh. Another year. Too bad we're still at war.

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (0) | social bookmarking

June 20, 2008

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - Mike Myers

mikemyers.jpgBeen a while since we've done a Celebrity Facial Hair Friday post, and who better to get us back in the schwing of things than funnyman Mike Myers. From Wayne to Dieter to Austin Powers to Dr Evil, Myers is the king of character creation. And now he's back in his first live-action role since the god awful Cat in the Hat. This Friday Love Guru opens, and we get to meet Mike's latest creation - Guru Pitka.

OK, so obviously the beard is a site gag. It's funny at first, and normally I'd worry it would gets old fast, but Myers has a talent for pulling off the inane. I'll withhold judgment, but I'm hoping that by the end of the movie, Pitka's beard gets the same treatment as Austin Powers' teeth. Plus, I hope there's a lot of Jessica Alba.

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (0) | social bookmarking

May 9, 2008

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - Robert Downey Jr

iron-man-site-tony-stark.jpgThis week's Celebrity Facial Hair Friday pick is Robert Downey Jr, star of the latest Marvel superhero movie Iron Man. And what a star he is, helping to bring in over $100 million during opening weekend. Damn! That's a box office smash. Gotta love it when the studios decide to do a sequel within a day.

I'm a big fan of Downey's acting. In my opinion he's one of those guys you'd love to dismiss (like Rob Lowe), and then they turn in a stellar performance. OK, I'll admit it. Tom Cruise is on that list too. Sadly, most of these guys' off-screen lives leave a little something to be desired. We'll admire the artist, not the man.

To the facial hair! I love Downey's goatee in this film. Usually the goatee is reserved for the bad guy, or the cheesy sidekick, but Downey's Tony Stark bucks the trend and makes a bold statement. We declared the goatee dead on the site a few years ago. Robert Downey Jr may have just resurrected it.

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (0) | social bookmarking

May 2, 2008

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - David Blaine

DavidBlaine.jpegYou gotta hand it to a guy like David Blaine. It's not easy making a living doing magic. Especially after David Copperfield has already made a 747 and the Statue of Liberty disappear.

Instead, Blaine has focussed on the more personal. Street magic, as he called it. Ever see one of his TV specials where he appears to levitate right in front of random people on the street? How does he do that?

Anyway, this week Blaine made history by breaking the record of holding your breath under water. And as if that weren't enough, he did it live on the Oprah Winfrey Show.

Submerged in a water-filled sphere on the stage of "The Oprah Winfrey Show" during a live broadcast, Blaine held his breath for 17 minutes and 4 seconds. That bested the previous record of 16 minutes and 32 seconds, set Feb. 10 by Switzerland's Peter Colat, according to Guinness World Records.

17 minutes?!? That's insane!

Turns out he spent 23 minutes breathing pure oxygen before performing the feat. And while it's still an amazing accomplishment, it kind of feels like doping. The current record of holding your breath without breathing pure oxygen beforehand is 8 minutes and 58 seconds. (Blaine has attempted unsuccessfully to beat it.) Again, insane.

Anyway, as much as I like and respect David Blaine, I don't like his facial hair. It's kind of sloppy, kind of sleazy. It's like bad Prince. I either want to see more or less. Shave it or grow it. It's time for a change. I'm holding my breath.

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (0) | social bookmarking

April 25, 2008

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - Wesley Snipes

wesleysnipes.jpgRemember that old adage - "In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes"? I'll bet Wesley Snipes wishes he didn't. Seems Mr. Snipes tried to cheat certainty and not pay the government $41 million dollars in taxes.

$41 million dollars.

OK, if he owed the government $41 million, that means he made like $100 million. Which leaves $59 million that he would get to keep. Legally. Dude. Pay up and enjoy your $59 million.

Instead he's sporting the evil Spock goatee and claiming that his sinister twin from a transporter accident is actually to blame. Not buying it. Shave, and pay up.

And enjoy your Benjamins. Now who is credited with that old adage again...?

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (0) | social bookmarking

April 11, 2008

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - Charlton Heston

charlton_heston.jpgThis week's Celebrity Facial Hair Friday pick is legendary Hollywood actor Charlton Heston. Mr. Heston's roles produced some of the most memorable quotes in movie history:

"Damn you! God damn you all to hell!" - Planet of the Apes

"Soylent green is made of people!" - Soylent Green

"Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!" - Planet of the Apes

Notice a theme? (Hint, it's the exclamation point!)

CharltonHestonTheTenCommandmentsC101021021.jpgMr. Heston's roles also produced some of the most memory beards in movie history.

"Ben Hur" - upper right, looking authentic.

Moses from the "Ten Commandments" - lower right, totally fake. And what's with the mane? Are you a Flock of Seagulls fan?

Anyway, Charlton passed away this week. We will miss him. I may not agree with his right to bear (military-grade semi-automatic) arms, but I will protect his right to bear facial hair. So long, and thanks for all the beards.

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (0) | social bookmarking

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