December 21, 2007

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - Tim Burton

This week's Celebrity Facial Hair Friday pick is acclaimed movie directory Tim Burton. Tim's got a new movie opening today starring Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, and Alan Rickman. And what would the name of this movie be? Why, it's Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.

Demon barber. Huh. That's cool. No wait. That's like old-school barber. Like a barber who cuts your hair and shaves your beard. Demon shaver? What?!? That's blasphemy! What are you trying to say, Tim Burton? You know not all people who shave with a straight razor are homicidal maniacs created by society seeking revenge because they were wrongly imprisoned. Also, most of us shave with a safety razor now. Trying killing someone with a Fusion. Not gonna happen. You'd sooner electrocute yourself with that AAA battery than slice a neck with a Mach3, that thing's so safe.

Tim Burton, I don't know what you have against shaving, but I don't like it. I also don't like that goatee. Shave it! Or suffer the wrath of Sweeney Todd.

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (0) | social bookmarking

December 7, 2007

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - Randy Jones

Remember Actober? No, that's not a misspelling. I really mean Actober. That's the baseball site Dane Cook was hawking throughout the post-season. Well move over Actober, now there's Movember.
Movember (the month formally known as November) is a moustache growing charity event held during November each year. At the start of Movember guys register with a clean shaven face. The Movember participants known as Mo Bros then have the remainder of the month to grow and groom their moustache and along the way raise as much money and awareness about male health issues...

(Sounds a lot like the guys over at Mustaches for Kids.)

Anyway, the month ends with some major partying around the world - all across Australia (where the "move-ment" began), to London, New York, Barcelona, and more. The photo above is from the New York gala.

"Randy Jones (of Village People fame) poses with two Playboy Playmates during the Movember party in New York City at Capitale. While he didn't shave his well-known Mo, many guests enjoyed receiving a shave at the Philips Norelco shaving bar."

The Philips Norelco shaving bar?!? Nice! That's got to be a trendy spot. Where else can you get a mojito and a BodyGroom?

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (0) | social bookmarking

November 2, 2007

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - Robert Goulet

This week's Celebrity Facial Hair Friday pick is Robert Goulet. Who is Robert Goulet? I have no idea. So I went to www.AskAnOldPerson.com, where I learned that he's an actor/entertainer. Apparently he sang a song too - "Atlantic City (My Old Friend)". Never heard of it. I wonder if it's on iTunes.

Wait! I know this guy. Wasn't he on Benson?

Anyway, I know it's wrong to speak ill of the dead, but just look at that mustache. That dates you. I wouldn't be caught dead in a mustache like that. Oh. Sorry. Dead.

Well anyway. Post-humous congrats on being chosen for Celebrity Facial Hair Friday. A big honor in your career, I presume.

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (0) | social bookmarking

October 26, 2007

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - Ben Affleck

Hi. I'm Ben Affleck. You may know me from such roles as Driller #4 in Armageddon or Basketball Player #10 in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. [Look it up.] These days I'm sitting behind the camera for my directorial debut - Gone Baby Gone.

Directors demand respect, so called up my buddy Jake Gyllenhaal [featured last week on this very blog] and asked him how he was making the transition from baby-faced Hollywood heartthrob to well-respected entertainment mogul. He said, 'Grow a beard.' Actually, I think his publicist said that. Whatever. It seems to be working for him.

So come see my new movie Gone Baby Gone, starring my younger brother Casey Affleck, who you might remember as Townie #3 in Good Will Hunting, or Little Kid in Chasing Amy. [Look it up.] Someday he'll have a beard of his very own.

Peace.

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (0) | social bookmarking

October 19, 2007

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - Jake Gyllenhaal

"An Egyptian born chemical engineer. [...] A secret detention facility somewhere outside the U.S. [...] An unorthodox interrogation of a foreign national." Top story on CNN? Please! This is just Hollywood. And Jake Gyllenhaal's latest movie. That couldn't happen in real life. And besides, what's more interesting is whether he's gay or not. I mean, he was in Brokeback Mountain. Did you see that movie?

OK, enough of the sarcasm. Let's focus on facial hair. Today's Celebrity Facial Hair Friday pick is actor Jake Gyllenhaal, who has a movie called Rendition coming out today about some serious current themes. (See above) And what's more serious than a beard. A well-trimmed, stately beard. Is Jake finally growing up? Or is he trying to hide that perennial baby face to show he can take on more adult themes.

Well I for one like clean-shaven youthful Gyllenhaal. Or a Gyllenhaal who is a little more scraggly. Like in Brokeback Mountain. But only the facial hair part of the mountain. Not that there's anything wrong with it.

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (0) | social bookmarking

October 12, 2007

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - Nathan Petrelli

nathanPetrelli.jpgOh! Who's that? He looks familiar. But no. He's got a beard. It can't be him.

This week's Celebrity Facial Hair Friday pick is typically hyper-clean-shaven Heroes character Nathan Petrelli, seen here in episode one of season two sporting an outrageous beard.

"Wait? Didn't he die at the end of last season?"
"No, no, silly. This is television. Anything can happen."
"But why has he got that beard?"
"So no one will recognize him. No one."

Why is it that people think it's plausible that a simple beard will grant you anonymity? And why is it that in a show full of people with superpowers, I'm doubting the plausibility of a beard, and not, say, the ability to fly? I guess that's the magic of Heroes.

Spoiler alert! I think he shaves in an upcoming episode.

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (0) | social bookmarking

October 5, 2007

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - Thom Yorke

radiohead.jpgThis week's Celebrity Facial Hair pick is Radiohead lead singer Thom Yorke. Radiohead is making a historic splash these days by not only releasing their latest album In Rainbows themselves (without a major record label), but amazingly by letting their fans pay whatever they think is a fair price for the music. True market-value capitalism? Socialized communism? I'm sure people are arguing everywhere.

But one thing's for sure - Thom Yorke needs a shave. I don't care about the couple day's stubble on his cheeks. Plenty of rock stars look far more scraggly. I'm talking about the neck. All you anti-Darwinists out there may scoff at the idea that we came from monkeys, but when you grow hair like one, it's time to invoke those methods we've evolved for removing it.

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (1) | social bookmarking

September 28, 2007

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - DIY

mustacheTV.jpg
So I figured with the new fall TV season starting I'd find a ripe celeb with some sort of facial hair to blog about. Instead I stumbled across this ingenious site which let's you create your own - Mustache TV. Here's how it works:
  1. Order a mustache kit for $6
  2. Affix mustache to TV screen
  3. Laugh hysterically when celebrities unintentionally sport mustaches

This might provide fodder for Friday's column for years to come!

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (0) | social bookmarking

September 14, 2007

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - Kevin Everett

Unless you actively stay away from all sports-related news, you know that last Sunday Buffalo Bills tight end Kevin Everett suffered a terrible injury while making a tackle on opening day. The initial prognoses ranged from paralysis to "life-threatening", however thanks to modern medicine and some incredible stamina, there seems to be some hope for a better outcome.

So to bolster that hope we select Kevin Everett as our Celebrity Facial Hair Friday pick. A classy trifecta of facial hair - partial mustache, small soul-patch, and half beard. Three winners in our book. A personal statement with facial hair without being too outlandish. Here's to a speedy recovery.

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (0) | social bookmarking

August 24, 2007

Celebrity Facial Hair Friday - Michael Vick

This week's Celebrity Facial Hair Friday pick is (former) Atlanta Falcon's quarterback Michael Vick. Now unless you avoid sports at all costs you know that Michael is in a bit of trouble for organizing dog fights and then betting on them. It's a sad footnote in this story that people seem to be arguing over which is worse.

Michael's most likely going to prison. And when he gets out, he's going to need an image change. Book yourself on Leno, Oprah, and Dr. Phil. Perhaps write a book. And shave that goatee. See, everyone knows the goatee means evil. Mr. Spock had a transporter accident, got a goatee, and was evil. Once the goatee was gone, all was forgiven.

My guess is Michael Vick will resurface in a year or two with clean shaven face and an apologetic story. Tune in then to find out.

Russell Neufeld at Permalink | Comments (0) | social bookmarking

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